I am not your rose
You wanted me to be a rose —
soft, decorative, predictable —
to bloom just enough, smell sweet enough, stay still enough.
But I am not your rose.
I am a wild seed, a wildfire cracking through concrete.
This letter is for every woman ever asked to shrink herself into silence — especially those living in my hometown under CCP rule.
I. Born Unwanted: The State Decided Before We Spoke
From the moment we took our first breath, many of us were already marked — unwanted.
We entered a world shaped by policies where a girl’s existence could be erased before it even began — not due to weakness, but simply because she was female.
The one-child policy, a tool of population control, became a silent war against daughters.
Gender-selective abortions. Missing girls. Vanished names.
Generations of women erased before their stories could start.
Yet we lived, defying erasure.
Always confined by whispers:
“You are excess. Tolerated, never welcomed.”
Care Tip: Like a seed waiting for the right moment to bloom, nurture your soul gently—growth is a quiet revolution.
II. The System Doesn’t Want You to Fail — It Just Wants Your Silence
They said:
“Work harder. Be better. Stay humble. Equality will come.”
But when we face interviews, the question isn’t our skills — it’s marriage plans.
When we ask for fair pay, they assume we don’t need it.
When we speak up, we’re labeled difficult.
We were never meant to fail — just never invited to succeed.
The ceiling isn’t glass; it’s thick concrete.
No matter how gently we knock, silence greets us.
Care Tip: Like a resilient plant thriving in poor soil, seek out the light and claim your space with quiet strength.
III. Our Bodies Are Not State Property
First, they told us: Don’t have children.
Now, they demand: Have more.
In the age of declining birthrates, we are reduced from daughters and citizens to statistics, to wombs with quotas.
The state wants our bodies, but not our voices.
It demands sacrifice, but rejects questions.
They urge three children.
But never ask if we want one.
Or any at all.
This isn’t freedom. It’s obedience under a different name.
Care Tip: Honor your body’s rhythms and boundaries, like tending a delicate flower — your autonomy is your sanctuary.
IV. Violence That Smiles: The Hidden Bruises of Being Female
Violence wears many faces.
Sometimes, it smiles.
It says:
- “You’re too emotional to lead.”
- “Be grateful he chose you.”
- “Dress modestly if you don’t want trouble.”
It masquerades as tradition, care, protection —
In the words of aunties, bosses, policies, and well-meaning men.
But we know its ache.
We live inside that quiet pain.
Care Tip: Protect your inner garden from invisible harms — the gentlest blooms need the strongest care.
V. I Refuse to Be a Symbol You Can Name and Tame
You call me “strong.”
You call me “good girl.”
You call me “rose-like.”
But I don’t bloom for you.
I don’t soften for you.
I am no metaphor. No myth. No muse.
I am a woman — whole, messy, loud, alive.
I want to be all you fear:
Unruly. Unapologetic. Unshaved. Unbowed.
If that unsettles you — good.
Discomfort is the soil where growth takes root.
Care Tip: Like wildflowers that refuse pruning, embrace your authentic, untamed self.
VI. I’m Not Waiting for Permission. I Am Taking Space.
You cannot ask me to survive a system designed to erase me, then applaud my endurance.
I don’t want your applause. I want your revolution.
I want rewritten histories.
I want reshaped language.
I want reformed laws.
I want power returned to us.
We are not “emerging voices.”
We are echoes returning to the source — shaking walls.
To the Women Still Whispering in the Dark
Maybe you’re quiet now. Careful. Afraid.
I see you.
But know this:
You are not crazy.
You are not weak.
You are not alone.
You are waking.
And this is how the world shifts —
Not with a roar,
But with women
no longer asking for permission to be free.
FAQ
Q: Why is silence such a powerful tool in oppression?
A: Silence conceals truth and sustains control by keeping voices unheard. Breaking silence disrupts power structures and creates space for change.
Q: How can women support each other under oppressive systems?
A: Through solidarity, shared stories, creating safe spaces, and nurturing self-expression and healing together.
Q: What does ‘soft rebellion’ mean?
A: Quiet, persistent acts of resistance such as self-care, speaking truth, and claiming space that gradually transform oppressive structures.
Q: How does this essay inspire healing?
A: By naming pain, affirming resilience, and reclaiming power, it fosters inner healing that radiates outward.
Related Reads and Further Nourishment
- A Gentle Guide to Lavender Varieties — Explore the calming essence of lavender and how it supports emotional healing.
- A Gentle Guide to Rose Varieties — Discover the many faces of roses and their symbolic power in feminine strength.
- Soft Resistance: Women and Garden Therapy — How gardening becomes a form of quiet rebellion and self-care.
Written by Jojo Len
For jojolen.shop